Day 9 and 10

Whether or not any girl cares to acknowledge it, there is an understood rule among men. Better known as the "guy code", this rule allows boys to gossip among each other about potential or current girls but never say a word to any person who wasn't privy to the initial (and only) conversation. See, a lot of guys will have a dilemma, seek advice, and then act upon their decision, never really getting a second opinion like girls tend to. I only know this because I've seen it happen so many times. Having been able to witness stories that fall under the guy code is a blessing and a curse. What his friends say in the minutes after the question has been asked can and will make or break what he eventually decides about you. If you're lucky and said friends are secretly cheering for your team, you may get a shot into overtime. However, if they hardly know you or don't particularly approve, they will shoot you down if only due to the ultimate unwritten backwards second meaning of "bros before hos"; not the one that says "we won't fight over who saw her first", but the far more devastating "screw her you have us anyway and you should value our decision."

It's not easy as a female seeing this all go down with some of my best guy friends, because in the back of my mind, I know that whatever guy I'm seeing/dating/driving crazy is more than likely doing the very same thing with his "bros". It's even worse when your friend's girlfriends come running to you, asking why and what they can do to fix everything. How do you tell a heartbroken girl you only know through your friend that she can't do anything, that your friend made his decision and she'll just have to get over it? You can't.

As a girl with my guy's interests and his ex-girl's feelings at heart,I tend to try to find a way to break the news, but always end up making up stories like "oh honey, you're better than him anyway", or "trust me, I've known him for years and you guys are just great, but he's crazy and I've told him this... if he ever realizes it it'll be too late, and I know you can do better." And blah blah blah and so on and so forth. While these things may or may not be my true feelings about my friend, it is generally understood that it is okay to give this pitiful girl an ego boost (even if it is a last ditch effort to just get her off your back)... unless, of course, she was a total bitch which will earn her my deadpan version of the absolute, over adjectified truth (a personal favorite, but never use a missile where you only need a BB or the results will be disastrous.)

I'm not saying I'm one to judge here: I'll be the first to admit I've spent all too much time in previous relationships contacting a guy's friends when shit hits the fan. Not only does this make things even more awkward for your guy (who will hear about whatever you ask/disclose, potentially distancing himself even further from you because of it) but it also makes things really awkward for his friends. Unless they were your friends before the relationship developed (and even sometimes then) his roommates, sports bar buddies, and siblings are not your confidants and never should be treated as such. They either approve or disapprove, but regardless of what they actually think about you, they will act hospitable towards you out of respect for their guy. They have not suddenly become your best friends, and you should not call them in the middle of the night crying. And don't think those girls he's friends with are all of the sudden going to take your side because you are the same gender and "they've been there"; even if they act like they are there for you, they will always be there for their initial friend through and through. (As one of the friend's though, I will say that abuse or cheating are my exceptions to the rule, in which I feel the need to say something and also re-evaluate my friendship with the guy in the first place.)

I made the mistake of texting my ex's best friend at the beginning of this whole ordeal- he has since texted saying he'd call to talk this weekend (which was a nice gesture at the time), but I haven't heard from him otherwise. Something in my gut is telling me he's dreading it, which is completely understandable; I hate having those conversations when I'm on his side of the phone too. So how do you tell someone "no worries man- it's all good. take care!" and know that they won't feel bad for not being able to help you after you've contacted them? That's the one I've yet to figure out...