Day 12

I've finally come to my senses. I'm not really sure if this is because I've been exercising, going out more, or pouring my heart into anything I want to work on... but really, does that matter? Fact is, there's something rather liberating that I'm feeling, almost as if having no contact with him moves this whole process along faster. Yes I am still sad, but more for him; after talking with his best friend today on the phone for almost an hour, me knowing that my ex knows what he's lost and may eventually want back is the hardest thing to deal with. (I did find out that it wasn't a "he's just not that into you" moment which doesn't make it any easier.) And yet, this time alone has given me moments of clarity that were otherwise clouded by love.

We often don't seem to love ourselves as much as we love the other person, and as a result, are blind to each other's faults that are a strain on the relationship (and ultimately unspoken deal breakers.) It's hard for me to admit that I'm doing something for myself, or that I can't fix something that isn't me. We are so genetically predispositioned to give our love out, not take it away. But in doing so, we also negate our own pride, feelings, and overall rationality for extended periods of time. I'm not prescribing that everyone should be self-centered here; on the contrary, the key to finding love is found within ourselves, and to know thyself is to love thyself and be true to your beliefs. With this may come heartbreak, but eventually, someone else may love you for all the right reasons because they are true to themselves as well. The (not so) catch: you'll never find that person if you don't find yourself first and remember who you are. It may be a whole new perspective on break-ups and dealing, but the fact is you will break-up, you will have to deal, and you might as well come out the other end stronger because of it.