Day 5

It's been about a week since everything really went down, and the last two days have been hard. Even my sister said to me today on the phone between her songs, "I don't know how you're dealing with it." I wasn't really, and I told her that too. I told her I've been thinking, writing, drinking, barely eating or sleeping, and that the only thing keeping me strong was knowing that I was doing what was best for me. Or at least what I thought was best, even if I hadn't started to believe it yet.

Have you ever felt like the emperor in the Emperor's New Clothes? Like maybe you're walking around thinking you have on the most beautiful outfit ever, simply because you spent so much time and effort on it, and no one can seem to convince you that you're really walking around naked (or worse, frumpy) and embarrassing yourself? I think that's what happens for too many women: so often we become enamored with what is comfortable and feels right that we refuse to actually take a look in the mirror. Everything is so perfect in our heads that we fail to see or hear anyone around us. It is only after realizing we're starting to feel cold that our ears open up; the clouds are lifted, and damn if our friends weren't right- we are naked! Those clothes we wore never actually existed... those dreams we thought we had were simply a figment of our imagination... and at that moment, we realize that we need a bathrobe stat.

Tonight I watched the movie "Working Girl" on AMC. Now I'm not generally a fan of what you would call a "chick flick", but I remember enjoying it in a college class and figured I'd give it another go. Little did I know that this would be the beginning of the tunnel, my first glimpse of that beacon of light shining bright at the other end. (Forgive me for the exaggeratedly positive description, but when you make a revelation like this someday you will understand that "waaah!!!" noise in your head like I'm having and say "ohhh... this is what she meant!".) In the film, which I highly suggest you watch since I'm flying the spoiler alert flag at full mast, not only does Melanie Griffith's character stay true to herself and fight to the end for what she believes in, but she gets the guy as well. However, this is not the guy she set out with in the beginning. She wasn't where she wanted to be in love or in life, even though her friends were telling her that status quo was okay and to hang onto what worked. And we know this from the get-go: Alec Baldwin is so wrong for her! He has bad chest hair and bad taste in birthday presents and screws girls from Jersey behind her back! But much like her moxsy to do a job that no one thinks she can do, she begins getting the attention she deserves from whom other than Harrison Ford. (Well okay, so she does take a Valium, steals clothes from her boss, goes to a party uninvited, gets drunk at said networking party, and ends up passing out at Harrison's apartment because she can't tell him where she lives because she is still with the ex. Bear with me here- it's Hollywood!) Harrison can see what she's really about, and you know that there's a real connection there. But in order for her to even think about pursuing this, she has to realize that she should never forgive Alec for what he's done; what's to say he won't do it again? Long story short, Harrison ends up loving the girl because she is real, and Melanie gets the guy and the job of her dreams.

What's to say your guy won't do it again? And what does it take to stay strong? We've all heard the stories: the "I'm sorry's", the "I've changed", all the lip service they'll give you if they decide to come crawling back after a break-up. So why don't we forget the "I love you's" and "you're the only one I want's" so easily? And if the former were lies, wouldn't reasonable deduction dictate that the latter are as well? What I'm saying here is simply this: tomorrow is a new day, and there is no reason to dwell on the past. Rather, charge forward to what you want more than anything in life, and never forget that. And even if it means losing your Alec Baldwin, trust me, your Harrison Ford will come soon enough.