Day 7 and 8

That was a test. You see, the world does not just come to a screeching halt because you feel you've lost in love. If nothing, it spins ever faster, egging you on to keep up with it. Case in point, I didn't make it to the blog boards yesterday. Between applying for jobs, working an ongoing weekly contract job that involved multiple processes and a few meetings, and phone calls with various family members, the day was fuller than it seemed. (Okay, maybe I did take a nap somewhere in between, but I deserved it!) Nevertheless, by the time that I had a chance to actually sit down and think and write I was already asleep, preparing for today's new challenges.

I recently found out that my Grandmother has stage IV pancreatic cancer. Why do I divulge this? Because it has had a huge impact on the amount of strength I currently need to possess. Not only must I be strong and keep my sixty day promise to myself, but I must do so at a time when I feel like the person that used to anchor me is no longer there. I've been drifting aimlessly for several days since I got the news, trying to be strong for my family whilst wishing I had that person more than ever right now, even just as a friend, and it hasn't been exactly painless to say the least. I've picked up the phone more than once, scrolling down to the "Do Not Call" choice before shutting it. Of course, I stop myself at the last minute; no matter how much I think that phone call might help, it's not what is best in this situation.

Sometime tonight however I came to the realization that I can either "let myself float out to sea" or I can become my own anchor. Although the latter is also the harder of the two, it is also the better choice for any little lost boats out there. Times may be tough no matter what you are facing, but you can't (and shouldn't) rely on others to keep you sane. It should come from within. (And since I'm in a cheeseball state of mind, to borrow from The Police: I'll send an SOS to me.)

So yet another revelation for the week, and a laundry list of personal demons that need conquering to boot. Great. I've really got my work cut out for me now...